“There are many people who live in what I call 'No-man's Land,' a place where you're not really happy, but you're not unhappy enough to do anything about it. That's a dangerous place. It's a place where people numb themselves to their dreams. It's where they dismiss hope and accept what's in front of them instead of driving toward what they really want in life.”
- Tony Robbins.
I do have some misgivings about Tony Robbins. He’s pretty much a cross between the ultimate salesman and the ultimate extrovert. Mate a lion and a tiger and you get a liger. Mate the ultimate salesman and ultimate extrovert and you get Tony Robbins. But I do respect him. Highly. He’s intelligent. Efficient. And he gets results. The concept of No Man’s Land as it relates to human behaviour is something I first heard from him.
“No Man’s Land” according to Wikipedia is waste or unowned land or an uninhabited or desolate area. It is unoccupied. Essentially, useless. For the purpose of this newsletter, No Man’s Land refers to that uncomfortable space between where we used to be and where we aim to be; a space where uncertainty and stagnation tend to take up in our lives. No man’s land is that space where we just about get by. We’re in limbo. Stuck in a rut. Surviving instead of thriving. Depending on perspective, no man’s land isn’t even all bad. It can be safe. It’s often within our comfort zone that’s why the motivation to move or take action is limited. But it goes against the very essence of living with intention. Why occupy a space with no movement? Why occupy wasteland? Why hold ourselves back?
Are you wondering if you’re in No Man’s Land? Here’s what it looks like; lack of direction, ambiguity, stagnation, loss of motivation, fear of failure, inability to set goals, isolation, uncertainty, resistance to change, time drift…I could keep going. Here are some examples of what that looks like in practice:
Professional Stagnation
You’ve been doing your job a few years, maybe had a bit of success. But now you’re unsure what to do next. Current job is unfulfilling but you’re reluctant to take a leap and try something else. Fear of the unknown has you in a chokehold. #NoMansLand
Relationship Crossroads
You’ve been dating a while but you’re unsure where it’s heading. You’re not necessarily unhappy but you know you want more. You and your partner are on different pages and there is lack of clarity of the future. It’s not all bad though, you’re comfortable and you’re both convenient to each other. Plus there’s no guarantee the grass is greener. What if you end up dating someone worse? #NoMansLand
Fitness Plateau
You started the latest iteration of your fitness journey but you’re no longer making any progress. Or maybe you want to start but you’re not motivated enough to actually go. Or maybe you go but with no clear goal in mind so you go just to say you go. I guess for some going for no reason is better than not going at all. #NoMansLand
Maternal/Paternal Crossroads
The last few months/years have been focused on raising a child/ren. They’re now old enough to go to nursery/school/college/university. Or maybe they’ve actually flown the nest and moved out. Now you’re unsure what to do with your life. Actually, maybe as a result of having a child, you feel like there’s no room in your life for anything else and it’s starting to weigh on you. #NoMansLand
Am I getting through to you yet? Let me try one more example.
Side Hustle Fatigue
You’ve been doing it for a while. It’s not growing anymore or maybe it didn’t grow as fast as you expected. Or maybe it didn’t take off at all and you’re unsure what to do next. “Do I set new goals and keep going or do I pack it in?”. #NoMansLand
The irony of being stuck in No Man’s Land is that the signs of it are the actual pitfalls. It’s not difficult to identify the drawbacks as long as we’re honest with ourselves and have at least some level of self-awareness. I’m not going to waste your time talking about why we shouldn’t spend too long in No Man’s Land. I’m not going to waste time talking about the pitfalls. I trust that we are able to identify what areas of our lives where we are stagnating and unfulfilled. I do want to speak about how to navigate out of No Man’s Land though.
Getting out of No Man’s Land involves a combination of self-reflection (which can be pretty difficult because we start to identify who or what isn’t serving us and sometimes the answers can be pretty painful), strategic planning (this is the part where we start to think ahead; what does future me look like?) and proactive steps (this part is challenging because…life happens).
Self-Reflection
I’ll be honest I used to think everyone did this but boy was I wrong. You know there are people (adults!) in the world who live day to day without any sort of idea the consequences of their actions. There are some who blame every and anything in the world for situations they find themselves in without ever looking inwards. Yikes.
Ask yourself questions, get to know yourself. Why am i in this current predicament? What choices did I make that could have been made better? What are my strengths? My Weaknesses? Based on history and current trajectory, where is my life heading…?
Strategic Planning
Did you know you can actually decide what you want for your life? Crazy concept right?!?! Like you can actually choose what you do or don’t want from life. You can decide what type of job you work, who you spend time with, the type of people around you, where you live and most important of all, the type of person you want to be. Humans are the only species that can change our circumstances, what we spend our time doing and our environments and still thrive but yet some of still do the same thing daily that’s taking us nowhere.
Define clear goals, visualise what the future version of you looks like, design your life, decide what you’re willing to do to get there. Break down your bigger goals into smaller and more manageable goals. The journey to where you want to be might be huge but breaking it down into smaller goals makes the journey more straightforward.
Proactive Steps
We’ve mapped out the course and destination. Now we have to walk the walk and prove to ourselves it’s not all lip service. We tend to start strong and tail off. Prime example is at the start of the year vs let’s say May. We tend to set goals/targets that are achievable, but the first few steps we map out are too big and the moment we start to falter we deviate from the path we set out. Thinking we can run 5k three times a week while we currently never run; it’s possible but very challenging (this is a note to self as I’ve made plans to do this at least 4 times). Recognising how challenging this is, why not start off with 1k three times a week? Or 3k twice a week?
Other proactive steps include seeking guidance and mentorship (this I fully support), no one will understand the challenges we’re facing better than someone who has walked the walk. Get support; from friends, family or the community. An accountability partner is even better. They provide encouragement, motivation and accountability. Celebrate your progress and small wins constantly. And stay persistent. This is hard. When life comes at us sometimes we need to take a breather. There’s nothing wrong with this as long as you recognise the consequences of said breather.
Concluding
No Man’s Land is unique to everyone. No two people experience the same circumstance the exact same way but we can draw parallels and help each other out. The path to No Man’s Land is formed of time and ignoring everything going on around you. When we tap into the present, we need to be objective about what we see. Navigating out of No Man’s Land requires a lot of self-discovery. We need to embrace change and transform this transitional phase of our lives from something meaningless into a meaningful and purposeful journey.
As always, make a decision future you will be grateful for.
Kind regards,
Chris
