I stumbled across the question “Are you planting seeds or weeds?” about 3 weeks ago in a book I was reading; Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty, and it has been stuck on my mind ever since. I’ve found it to be a good way of evaluating things I’m currently doing or things I plan to do. Previously I’d ask myself, “To what end?” and then proceed to justify intended actions as I believe they should always be outcome-focused without leaving things to chance. But now I stop and ask myself, “Seeds or Weeds”?
Hey people, for regular readers I’m glad you’re here again. I hope I’m doing something right and keeping you engaged. For new readers, I hope you find this life-changing enlightening and enjoyable. As the name of my newsletter indicates, I’m all about being intentional about how I live my life and I do hope I’m able to convince more and more people to take control of their lives and be a lot more intentional about life. Anyway…
Life is kind of like a garden; what you nurture will grow and as a result, I think it’s important we ask ourselves, “Are we planting seeds that encourage our growth and blossom into opportunities or are we allowing weeds to grow that stifle our growth and hinder our potential?”. Pretty long question to be fair, let’s try “Seeds or Weeds?”. In today’s newsletter, I’m hoping I’m able to convince at least one person to reflect on their day-to-day decisions in order to align their future decisions with the life they want.
So what are the weeds in my life?
In the midst of all the hustle and bustle of the rat race, it’s easy for us to get caught up and not take any time to pause and reflect on the state of our gardens. We don’t take time to figure out what exactly are the weeds that need pruning from our gardens that are stifling the growth of our seeds. We don’t take time to really analyse why certain seeds aren’t germinating or why certain plants just keep dying regardless of how much we do everything right. To aid in your reflection, I’ll share some weeds I’ve had to uproot in my life and where I’ve found them:
Envy and Entitlement
Some years ago, I started my platform Figuring Out Fatherhood. I had have such grand plans for it and I know it will change the world. But every so often, I would look at measurable metrics like the number of Instagram followers or the number of YouTube views and feel disheartened. Then I’d look at other platforms and a pang of jealousy would hit me. “When will it be my turn”, “Why them and not me”, and “Maybe this isn’t for me” are examples of the thoughts that would fill my head. I also remember when I released season 2 and I looked at those same metrics and had a mini outburst/rant on Twitter. “When it’s time for free BBQ and drinks people will show up for you but when it comes to supporting you they are nowhere to be found”. My personal development journey was still in its infancy so my ego was still overinflated and my sense of entitlement was very high.
Reflecting on these, I recognise that these feelings were a representation of what I had in my garden back then. Envy and entitlement were two weeds that I’m glad I have been able to remove. Don’t get me wrong, those feelings within themselves are actually fine. Normal even. How you act on negative feelings is what determines what is right or isn’t. I chose to replace those weeds with new seeds. Instead, I learned to celebrate people genuinely. I view my peers’ wins as wins for me. I view my peers’ wins as proof of what is possible. As cliche as it is, I had to be intentional about reminding myself that no one’s journey is linear. I also learnt to make sure that in everything I do, every endeavour I chase, my why has to be strong enough to withstand big and small challenges.
Limiting Beliefs
These are sadly a lot more common among us than we realise. Often they manifest themselves as self-doubt and prevent us from taking action. That weight loss journey we want to start but think we can’t commit to. That podcast we want to start but think the market is oversaturated. That business we want to start but we don’t pull the trigger on it. Sometimes they also look like whatever it is that is preventing us from leaving our comfort zones.
For me, this looked like thinking people didn’t care for what I had to say and that if I did speak, I’d get exposed as a fraud…so I didn’t say anything. This was a nasty weed that had bloomed across work, friendships, family matters, and pretty much every facet of my life. My first step was to figure out why I had those beliefs in the first place. Then I figured out how to overcome them. We can never blossom into who we are meant to be if we allow the weeds of limiting beliefs and self doubt to thrive where seeds of growth and self-expression should exist. I learnt to get comfortable going against the grain and standing by what I believe in. I educated myself to ensure that when I did share my opinions, they were educated. Two seeds were planted; my thirst for knowledge went through the roof and I realised that I wanted to help my community and educate.
People that Drain Us
Check out my post on Friendship. There are some gems in there.
Shameless promotion aside, it’s important we don’t underestimate the impact these people have in our lives and it’s not limited to just friends. These could be colleagues, bosses, social media acquaintances, business partners, and even sadly; family. What makes people “drained” looks different for all of us but the result tends to be us feeling depleted following interactions with said person. It could be one conversation, attending a seminar together, or maybe a weekend away with inlaws. Sometimes, it could even just be thinking about interactions with said person that makes us feel drained. How sad.
For me, it was particular friendships and romantic relationships. Why do I feel small after interacting with you? Why do I feel like I’m always fighting a battle? Why do I feel like I’m not good enough? These feelings did nothing but enforce the limiting beliefs and feelings of self doubt that already existed. When I started to be intentional about how I lived my life, my relationships with people really got affected. Though I had have a long way to go, I was closer to who I was meant to be and this made people feel uncomfortable.
A harsh reality is not everyone wants you to grow. Not everyone is comfortable with you changing. Do you know what else prevents growth and change? WEEDS. And that is actually okay. It is difficult and it is painful but just as farmers work tirelessly to remove weeds in order for their plants to thrive, so do we. Those people that constantly remind you of who you used to be. Those people that accuse you of thinking “you’re too good for us”. Those people that want to have control in your life. The people that become distant when you start to win. The people who hide disrespect under the guise of “banter” and backhanded compliments. You know those people. Those are the people that ironically take up a lot of friendship real estate, they take up a lot of the sun and fertilizer in your garden.
It’s okay to actually put some distance between you and them. I embraced the thought of “loving you from a distance”. For me, it was recognizing that this current version of you isn’t good for the current version of me and who I’m trying to be. The seed it planted was it helped turn my focus to the people who actually poured into me. I was able to narrow and filter down my tribe into the people who help nurture each other’s growth. People I can speak to without fear of judgement. People whose advice I can confidently say comes from a place of having my best interests at heart.
Other Weeds
I’ll be honest there are weeds that randomly pop up when I least expect or sometimes even have popped up without realising. These could be:
Laziness
Lateness
Bad Habits
Gluttony
Making excuses
Not listening
Obsession with money
Blaming every thing and everyone for out problems
Honestly, there are potential weeds everywhere. The key is to reflect regularly; daily, weekly, monthly; essentially any frequency you feel comfortable with. You have to look at your garden to make sure the seeds you’ve sown are reaping. Sometimes it may not be immediately obvious but you have to keep tending to your garden and make sure the right things have been planted.
Concluding
I’ve talked about seeds, weeds and how they represent the gardens of life. But what I haven’t talked about is the soil. The soil is representative of the starting point which is our minds. We have to ask ourselves whether we have the right mindset to facilitate our growth. We have to ask ourselves whether we’re tending to the soil in a way that provides the right environment for our seeds to grow or are we neglecting it and focusing on the wrong things. If you bury a mango seed in granite, it’s borderline insanity expecting a mango tree to grow no matter how much you water and add fertiliser to it. (For the farmers out there who have successfully grown mango trees in granite, I do apologise I just needed to paint a picture).
Another thing I need to emphasise is when you are removing weeds from your life, you have to pull from the root. When you don’t pull from the root, the weeds come back and sometimes with a real vengeance. To pull from the root means to get to the bottom of it. It wasn’t just enough to replace my limiting beliefs, I had to understand where they came from. This applies to all weeds. “What is it about me that keeps attracting people that are bad for me?”. “What is it that I’m doing that keeps making me oversleep and causing me to constantly be late?”.
The final thing is nourishing our gardens. Water. Sunlight. Fertiliser. This looks like surrounding ourselves with people on a similar journey to us. Getting a mentor. Reading. Podcasts. Surrounding ourselves with positivity. Decluttering. Gratitude. Service. Planting seeds in others. Giving back to our communities. We have to keep tending to our gardens like farmers tend to their farms. Make sure the soil is right. Make sure the right seeds are planted. Make sure the garden is nourished. Make sure the weeds are removed (from the root). Reflect and make sure the right plants are growing. Watch as your life changes. Be intentional about being the person you want to be (this was a note to self but you might find it applicable).
As always, make a decision that future you would be grateful for.
Until next time,
CT
P.S.: 2023 is speeding towards the end and I’ve started to cast an eye on 2024. I’m on the lookout for accountability partners as I want to multiply my growth next year and I’m looking to share ideas. If you’re interested, do drop me an email chris.topper1@gmail.com and we can chop it up. I’m not selling/upselling anything, I genuinely just want growth for us all and I believe we’re stronger together.
